Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The Fifth Dimension Portal

"Mom, there is something that you never explained to me."

I called my mom one Saturday morning for this all important question. She had an edge of concern in her voice as she responded, "Oh, what is that?"

"Where do all of the socks go? I have a basket of spare socks and none go together."

I noticed this phenomenon shortly after I was married. With children added every three to five years until there are now four of them, the sock spares are out of control.

I decided that there is a conspiracy among sock sellers. Usually packages of socks come in three pairs but each is slightly different. Therefore, if you lose one sock from each pair, you have just single unmatched socks.

There are a few solutions: 1) Buy only solid, boring socks all of one color so that no matter how many you lose, you still have pairs of socks 2) Buy 2 packages of three sets of socks so you have two of each pair OR 3) Lobby congress to pass a law that all socks come in sets of three so that there is a spare for that inevitable day when one of the socks enters the fifth dimension portal which is located at the back of the dryer.

It happens with gloves and mittens, too. I don't even need gloves very often due to living in the south. That is part of the problem, they are put away in storage and when you need them you have to go digging for them and -- you guessed it -- there is usually a pile of single gloves.

I'm travelling north this week so I pulled out all of the gloves I could find. I have four single gloves, one gray, one black knit and two Isotoner driving gloves that are similar enough that I thought they could be a pair. Unfortunately, they are both for the same hand.

Alas, I have discovered another portal into the fifth dimension -- the back of my closet. Now if the extra calories from the Christmas goodies could just find the portal and disappear, I would be very happy.

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